Paralyzed with Fear? That’s a Good Sign
Have you ever wanted something so badly that it terrified you?
That gut-punch fear that stops you in your tracks, making you doubt everything? That’s where I’m at right now. I’m in the middle of reading The War of Art by Steven Pressfield—and it’s hitting hard. His words don’t just land, they ignite. I picked up this book because I’ve been feeling called to do something that scares the hell out of me: write a book of my own.
In the section about resistance and fear, Pressfield explains that resistance shows up as fear. And here’s the twist—the more fear we feel, the more important that thing is to us. So if you’re paralyzed with fear? That’s not a red flag—it’s a neon sign pointing to your next breakthrough.
This truth hit me like a wave. I’ve always been drawn to the things that terrify me. Serving in the military. Competing in bodybuilding. Taking a big leap for a new role at work. Traveling solo. Leaving a seven-year marriage. Each one of those choices cracked me open. Each one demanded that I stare fear in the face—and do the thing anyway.
With those experiences came a hell of a lot of lessons, and a heavy load of shame. For a long time, I believed I had messed up so badly that I no longer deserved love, especially not unconditional love. I told myself the story that ending my marriage meant I was doomed—that I had failed beyond repair.
(Side note: I no longer subscribe to that version of reality. And if you're a Christian reading this, I genuinely hope you explore what unconditional love really means—because fear and shame are not divine. But that's a post for another day.)
That old narrative kept me stuck. It had me abandoning my needs, chasing validation, and shrinking away from the love I truly deserved. Fear was running the show. I was resisting the very changes I needed to make. But again, Pressfield’s words rang true—the more resistance you face, the more powerful the reward on the other side.
He also talks about fantasies being a symptom of resistance. Whew. That one called me out. Fantasies show up when we’re uncomfortable—little projections and inflated versions of who we think we should be to protect ourselves from pain, fear, or unworthiness.
After I left my marriage, I carried this deep wound of feeling unworthy of a healthy relationship. My nervous system stayed locked in survival mode. I was free, but emotionally still caught in shame, rejection, and doubt. So what did I do? I built a fantasy—the perfect partner. He’d heal the damage. He’d see my worth without question. He’d never trigger me. He’d prove I made the right choice.
But that fantasy wasn’t love—it was resistance. A mask to avoid vulnerability. A way to hide the raw, messy parts of my story that I didn’t want anyone to see. It was my attempt to escape the discomfort instead of walking through it.
Breaking through that resistance is what healed me. I learned that I need to love myself unconditionally before I can be loved fully by someone else. I now walk away from anyone who feeds that old narrative. I sit with my discomfort instead of running from it. And in doing so, I’ve reclaimed my power. I’ve stopped auditioning to be someone’s girlfriend, stopped pouring from an empty cup just to feel worthy.
So if you're reading this and feeling that same fear—lean in. It’s pointing to what matters most.
How to Recognize Your Resistance—and Move Through It
Resistance isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s procrastination. Sometimes it’s people-pleasing. Sometimes it’s a full-blown fantasy of the life you wish you had so you don’t have to face what’s actually in front of you.
Here’s how to spot it—and what to do:
1. Notice your emotional reactions. Are you triggered, drained, anxious, or avoiding something? That might be resistance at play. Journal it. Get curious, not judgmental.
2. Identify what the fear is protecting. Ask yourself: What am I afraid will happen if I go after this? Is it rejection? Failure? Vulnerability? Name it so you can work with it.
3. Take one small action. Resistance hates momentum. Even a baby step counts. Send the email. Write the page. Sign up for the class. Book the solo trip. It all builds trust with yourself.
You’re Not Broken—You’re Becoming
The fact that you feel fear doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you care. It means your soul knows this thing matters. You’re not broken for struggling. You’re brave for trying.
The next time resistance shows up, instead of running, ask it: What are you protecting me from? And then gently remind yourself—you don’t have to be protected from love. From your truth. From your dreams.
You were made for this. You just forgot for a while. And now? You get to remember. You get to write a new story—one rooted in self-trust, freedom, and real love. Not fantasy. Not fear. But the kind that rises when you stop resisting and finally show up for yourself.
So take a breath, grab your journal, and reflect:
Where in your life is fear actually pointing you toward something important?
What resistance are you ready to break through?
You’ve got this. And you're not alone.
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