I Was Ready. They Weren’t. And That’s Okay.

Introduction

The 4/4 portal cracked something wide open in me. Like a soul reset. A checkpoint. I sat with the energy of what's been falling away and what’s rising in me — and it became so clear that I’ve outgrown versions of myself that kept me small. This portal asked me to reflect, not just on the external noise, but on the internal chaos — the places I’ve abandoned myself for the sake of love, and the ways I’ve betrayed my own spirit just to feel chosen.

So this one’s for you — the man who couldn’t meet me.
And this is also for every woman who’s been left wondering why she wasn’t enough.

What’s Falling Away:

1. People pleasing

2. The belief I don’t deserve

3. Talking bad about myself

4. Seeking external validation

5. Perfection

6. Shame

7. Materialism

8. Lack-mindset

9. Rescuing

10. Over-giving

What’s Rising In Me:

1. Self-respect

2. Knowing I am deserving

3. Radical acceptance of myself

4. Internal validation

5. Creativity

6. Forgiveness

7. Minimalism

8. Abundance

9. Accepting others' journeys

10. Me first

The “What If” Energy

To the guy who hurt me —
Sometimes I catch myself thinking what if things were different? What if you had done the healing? What if you had chosen me back? What if timing wasn't so damn off?

But the truth is, I was doing what I always did — fantasizing. Romanticizing something that was never rooted in reality. You never really showed up for me. I thought maybe if I gave more, loved harder, stayed patient, or shrunk myself, you’d finally see me. But I see now that I was clinging to potential — not truth.

I’ve been the common denominator in my relationships, and while that used to bring shame, now it brings clarity. I called in people who mirrored the parts of me I hadn’t healed. You weren’t emotionally available because deep down, I didn’t feel worthy of someone who was.

But I do now.

My Readiness Then

I was so ready to be chosen. So ready to give everything. But let’s be real — I didn’t even choose myself. I gave up hobbies. Abandoned my needs. Lost my identity in the chase for love. And every time I was met with inconsistency, silence, or emotional distance, I thought it must be me.

Looking back, I wasn’t in love — I was in survival mode. I was trying to earn the bare minimum. I was confusing intensity for intimacy.

Their Readiness Then

You weren’t ready.
And that’s not a dig — it’s just the truth. You were emotionally cluttered. Disconnected. Juggling too much to offer anything solid. I took it personally, thinking I wasn’t enough, when really, you were never in a place to give what I was asking for.

You can’t pour into someone else when you’re not even grounded in yourself. You didn't have space for me — and now I see, you didn’t even have space for you.

The Lesson I Was Meant to Learn

I was meant to learn that I don’t have to carry other people’s healing. That love is not about fixing or saving. I was meant to learn that words aren’t enough — if they’re not backed by consistent action.

I’ve stopped ignoring red flags. I’ve stopped gaslighting myself just to stay.

It’s not my job to be someone’s therapist, mother, or emotional rehab. I have my own heart to protect. I’ve learned that the love I craved was the love I needed to give myself first.

How It’s Shaped My Desires Now

Now? I crave peace. I crave truth. I crave real.
No more chaos, no more chasing. I want the kind of love that feels like home — not a battlefield. I’ve let go of needing to be chosen, and instead, I’ve chosen me.

I’ve broken patterns of codependency. I’ve laid down the armor of people pleasing. And I’m calling in a relationship rooted in truth, interdependence, and softness.

Empowered Path Forward

To every woman reading this — if he couldn’t meet you, it doesn’t mean you were too much. It means he wasn’t enough for you.

Stop waiting for them to change. Stop doubting your gut. Stop giving chances to someone who treats you like an option. You are not hard to love — you’ve just been loving people who can’t love themselves.

I move forward now with my intuition leading the way. I don’t need to control the outcome. I trust myself to see clearly — even when the path is dimly lit.

I’m not afraid of being alone anymore.
I’m afraid of abandoning myself again.

Conclusion

This 4/4 portal didn’t just remind me of who I’ve been — it showed me who I’m becoming.

To the man who couldn’t love me the way I needed: thank you. You were the final lesson before I remembered my worth.

To the women still stuck in the “what if” — choose yourself. Over and over again. Say goodbye to the version of you that settled for crumbs and call in the woman who demands the whole damn table.

Because you’re not hard to love.
You just forgot your own magic for a while.

But now? You remember.
And that’s where everything shifts.

Next Steps

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