Mental Health - Sometimes I Am Not Okay
Introduction
Imagine your makeup bag—that trusty little pouch that holds all your beauty essentials. For me, that makeup bag represents my mental health. Some days, it's nicely organized, with everything in its place, but more often than not, it's a jumbled mess.
When my mood swings kick in, it's like rummaging through that bag blindly, never knowing what color lipstick or eyeshadow palette you'll pull out. One minute, I'm a bold red lip, confident and ready to take on the world. The next, I'm a smudged black eyeliner, melancholy and unsure of myself.
The manic episodes are like dumping out the entire contents of the bag. I'm impulsively swiping on bright colors with no rhyme or reason, creating a makeup look that would make a clown blush. These are my reckless decisions and risky behaviors.
Then the depressive episodes hit, and suddenly, my once vibrant bag is drained of all color. It's a sad, empty pouch holding a few dried-out mascaras and broken compacts. Getting out of bed and applying makeup feels like an impossible task.
Unexpected triggers are those old crusty makeup sponges lurking at the bottom - harsh reminders of emotional struggles from the past. But I'm learning to toss those out and replenish them with fresh, new tools.
With the help of my trusty makeup artists (therapists), go-to products (coping skills), and a healthy dose of self-love, I'm slowly but surely getting that makeup bag back in order. Some days are still a mess, but I'm learning to work with what I've got and rock whatever crazy look comes together.
Life Lately
I am currently in a depressive episode, feeling drained of all of my color. Now, don’t get me wrong - life is such a beautiful blessing. I am so grateful to have this opportunity to live a physical life every day. I look back on the past couple of years and realize it’s been an absolute shit show. I have gone through so much personal transformation and made so much progress, and it’s insane. However, I am a recovering people pleaser and overachiever. I attribute that to my upbringing and thinking I wasn’t worthy of praise unless I went above and beyond. I don’t believe that anymore, but trying to rewire my brain is like achieving a perfect makeup look one day, feeling so positive that you will recreate that the next time, and being disappointed when you don’t quite get the look you want. It takes time and practice when all you want to do is get it right every time! With that being said, I am more prone to burnout, which leads me on a path of depression. To be honest, that is what I have been experiencing lately. I feel like I can’t get off the couch, lost, uninspired. I don’t want to hang out with people and prefer to be alone. I am drowning in my negative self-talk and am using every ounce of me to get to the next day.
Coping Strategies and Self-Care Practices
When you are going through a depressive episode, the last thing you want to do is help yourself. I started noticing these symptoms at the end of my master’s program. I have always strived to be my best, but for some reason, I just used every ounce of energy to do the last assignments. Luckily, I still got all A’s and am graduating this month! Once school was over, I realized that something was very wrong. I had lost the motivation and passion for this business; I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I felt confused about my next steps in life, and I couldn’t even bring myself to go outside or get exercise. My mom always described me as a silent sufferer, but I don’t want to suffer alone anymore.
The first step I took was to clarify what I wanted to do and why I wanted to do it. In November, I created a vision board, and on that board, I added my business ideas, graduating from college, selling my house, achieving financial freedom, and traveling more. I stare at this board every day - it was time to take action. I want to create this life because I want more emotional fulfillment and time for self-care. I want to help others build self-confidence and find their passion and purpose. I want to feel unchained from the traditional way of life. I don’t want to feel restricted. I was born to move and create.
My next step was to take action that was aligned with my what and why. I want to open a business in Mexico City, so I put an ad on the Facebook and WhatsApp groups to find housing. I want more connection and collaboration with others, so I want a roommate. It’s scary to completely start over, and this time, I am doing it for myself and not for a guy. Community and connection are important to me, and I want to create that wherever I am going next.
Finally, I listed my house and started selling all my belongings. I am purging what is no longer aligned with my vision and values. Why do I want to hang on to these things? What is holding me back? I ultimately journaled these thoughts over the past few months and realized I am in my own way. I value family, community, and a home base the most. I can re-create that in an environment better suited to my vision and values. I can always fly back to spend time with my family and stay connected wherever I am.
Advice for Others Struggling with Mental Health
For those of you who are also struggling, there is hope. Life is meant to ebb and flow. When it’s time to up-level, nothing will make sense, and everything will make sense at the same time. You are not alone; this is your sign to take aligned action on your what and why! Also, don’t be like me - living in your head. Share how you are feeling with people whom you trust. You need this support more than ever, and asking for help is okay. Most importantly, be kind to yourself. You don’t have to have everything figured out right now. Take baby steps. I am a firm believer that everything happens in divine timing. If you have been anxious and worried about your next steps in life, there is a reason why everything isn’t happening all at once for you. You must embody the person, career, or creator you want to be. When you start to act like that person, then you become that person.
Closing Thoughts
You are not alone in this! Trust me, it’s a process, but I am here with you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will not be stuck forever. It’s ok not to have all of the answers. Life is created for you to ENJOY yourself. Take a break and take care of yourself. Do one thing today that will make you happy. Healing is not a one-and-done. Every day, you must choose to get up and take one more action to get you closer to your dream life. I am so thankful for you and for being on this journey together. Keep going; you got this!
Journal Prompts
Describe a typical day or week in your current life situation. How does it impact your mental health?
What specific stressors, triggers, or challenges have you been dealing with recently?
How have these experiences affected you emotionally and psychologically?
Make a list of the coping mechanisms and self-care practices that help you most.
Reflect on why these strategies work well for you. How do they make you feel?
Are there any new self-care activities you'd like to try? What appeals to you about them?
Who has supported you through difficult times? How have they helped?
What makes a good support system? What qualities should one look for?
What has your mental health journey taught you about hope, resilience and growth?
How can you remind yourself that challenges are temporary when you're struggling?
Who or what are you grateful for on this journey? How have they impacted you?